Items tagged "college":
Where are you Christmas?
When I was young Christmas was a time of wonder. It was a time of the year that dreams came true and lights twinkled in my eyes. It was a time when I got out of school and could play with my friends and I remember that it was always cold, which I’m sure it wasn’t always cold as I live in New Orleans. It was a time when i would participate in the Christmas pageant at St. Agnes. It was a time that family was together and we would visit my grandparents.
My grandparents died August of 2000 and December of 2000. The year 2000 was also the start of my freshman year of high-school. Their passing really cemented that I was growing up and starting a new chapter. I no longer was in the Christmas pageant but I was now working on the stations of the cross that we present at Archbishop Rummel. Christmas now became a time of getting off school and hanging out with my friends. It evolved into a time where I no longer walked but drove to their houses. It was hanging out at the mall and changing traditions. I no longer had grandparents to see. We now went and visited our family friends the Brauns. We have done this every year since my grandparents passed.
We even did this once I left for college. Once at LSU, Christmas became a totally different thing. I was no longer at a catholic school. I was no longer attending mass every week. I went to church on Christmas Day and only Christmas Day. It became a time that I came home for the holidays. That song finally made sense to me. I would pack up a suitcase and drive home with my roommate. My roommates family became mine. She has a big family. She is what got me through the holiday. I felt like I had a family of my own again. It was a time where I was now an adult and exchanged presents with those outside of my family. That first Christmas at LSU was one of my favorites of my adult life so far. There have been other ones since that were great for other reasons but they all seemed to lose meaning as I got older.
As the years progressed I took on more responsibilities. My junior ad senior year I took winter intermission classes. I stayed at college longer. I spent less time at home. My fifth year I graduated during the winter. This resulted in Christmas being a final homecoming of sorts or so I thought. I ended up working on the road that next year right after college. The job I had, ended the week of thanksgiving and the whole holidays took on another meaning. It was me coming home once again. Over the past few years it had seemed like Christmas had lost meaning. It felt like it had lost its wonder. Coming back now felt like some of it had come back in the form of a respite. We went to the Brauns as always, which now felt routine, and then came home after Since then, I’ve left and returned home twice.
I haven’t left and returned during the holidays though. I’ve been living at home since. I’ve been working a full time professional job since. I’ve been stuck living in my parents home since. I’ve been busy paying student loans since. I’ve been busy trying to figure out what to do with life since. Christmas over the last few years has lost it’s wonder and imagination. Christmas is no longer a time of homecoming. Christmas is no longer a time for family and happiness. It has become another routine. It has become another goal. It has become another time where I wait for it to come and say that I will get in the spirit. I will do it right this year. I will feel that joy. I will do it right next year. I will not end up feeling next year as I do this year.
Well I guess there is always next year.
Tags#christmas#family#holidays#home#emotion#tradition#routine#happiness#depression#sorrow#death#life#light#dark#college#high school#middle school#grammar school#kid#children#growing up#teenager#adult#coed#undergrad#job#work